Impersonator Jingles Cd

A twin CD set featuring comedy and straight impressions in every situation imaginable that would appeal to the DJ, mixer or producer.

One of the most novel CD's ever released. A brilliant concept that has appeal to almost every kind of DJ or presenter. 

Two CD Set  - 198 Tracks

• Features classic and unique impressions
• Impressions of the celebrity's classic lines
• Designed for DJ's and mix producers.
• A section for Karaoke jock's
• Ultimate's most successful product ever
• Features the voice of the real Jim Bowen!
• Many unique environments Cool Cuts, Classic Clichés Jingles, Samples, & more

Imagine Victor Meldrew doing 'Hey DJ Where's The Bloody Bass?!' or Frank Spencer going 'Ohhh Wicked!', or Doctor Ruth going 'This Show Is All About Having An Orgasm' or having Inspector Cleassou & Kato Opening your show or Basil Fawlty closing it! Get The Idea?

 Features impressions of Victor Meldrew, Margaret Thatcher, Rolf Harris, Ruby Wax, Sean Connery, Princess Diana, and many more, from the most respected impressionists in the business.

The discs break the sections down into very useful sub sections, the best way to see exactly what this is about is to look through the tracklisting.

The huge variety and ingenuity of IMPERSONATOR has resulted in it being the most successful disc Ultimate have ever produced.

Two CD Set - Tracklisting

COMPACT DISC ONE

1. DEMO - IMPERSONATOR IN USE

This track gives an example of this disc's uses in related sample sequences.

Cool Cuts

The lines and samples from dance music, all as the character would have said it

2. Victor Meldrew Hey DJ where's the bloody bass?
3. Margaret Thatcher We're gonna do a song that you've never heard before
4. Michael Caine Dance while the record spins
5. The Queen I think I'd better dance now
6. Arkwright Pump up the volume
7. Vincent Price Bass, how low can you go?
8. The Queen Let it Roll, Get Bold
9. Marilyn Monroe Feel the beat, C'mon
10. Winston Churchill Boom Boom Boom, let me hear you say Whayo!
11. Mystic Meg Take your mind to another dimension
12. Marilyn Monroe Let's do it
13. Roger Moore Everybody Shake your body
14. Jerry Hall Why don't you move damn it
15. David Attenborough Booyakka Booyakka
16. Lloyd Grossman OK Party people in the house
17. Dolly Parton How d'y'all feel out there
18. Ian Paisley Back once again the renegade master power to the people
19. Alf Garnett Brothers and Sisters ....
20. Jack Nicholson We gonna get you
21. Dolly Parton Can I get some funky bass
22. David Attenborough Once again, back is the incredible
23. Margaret Thatcher Get down and Party
24. Humphrey Bogart Get out on this dance floor
25. Pamela Anderson I wanna rock right now!
26. Parker - Thunderbirds Get down and Party
27. Bianca Take it to the bridge, will ya
28. Pamela Anderson Rock Da House
29. Terry Wogan This song is not a rebel song
30. Marilyn Monroe Mmm...Got a hot one for you
31. Princess Diana I like to move it, move it
32. Margi Clarke Hey girls, how do they do that?
33. Hannibal Lector Here comes the hotstepper
34. Margaret Thatcher I won't stop rocking until the last sucker drops
35. John Wayne Dance, you got the chance
36. Betty Boothroyd Order! - Everybody in the house - rock the party
37. Frank Spencer Oohh Wicked!
38. Fergie How y'all feel out there?
39. David Bellamy Underground is where we wanna go movin' house the crowd
40. Tommy Cooper Get raw with the fever on the dance floor

Accapella Raps

The lines of songs new and old that are timeless and remembered by all

41. Princess Diana I Will Survive
42. Del Boy and Grandad She's Got That Vibe
43. Claire Rayner Always Look On The Bright Side of Life
44. Tommy Cooper Do you Love Me
45. Barry Norman Dub Be Good To Me
46. Zippy from Rainbow Vogue
47. Hyacinth Bucket Back To The Sixties
48. Muppet Whoomp (There It Is)@130 BPM
49. Princess Diana Cottoned Eyed Joe
50. Edina- Absolutely Fabulous White Lines
51. Joan Rivers Staying Alive
52. Patrick Moore Timewarp Rap@124 BPM

Classic Cliché's

Stars and celebrity's with the lines that made them famous.

53. Victor Meldrew I don't believe it!
54. Inspector Cleauseau This is Chief Inspector Cleauseau of the law
55. Joan Rivers Oh what a bow wow
56. Sean Connery Vodka Martini, Shaken not Stirred
57. Marlon Brando This is not personal, it's strictly business
58. Windsor Davies Shuuuut Uppp!
59. Margaret Thatcher There will be no U turn in policy. There is no alternative
60. Hyacynth Bucket It's Bucket. BUCKET
61. Tommy Cooper Just like that, ahaahah
62. Michael Caine Not a lot of people know that
63. Jimmy Saville Now then, how's about that then. Let's see if we can fix it for you
64. The Queen One is not amused
65. Joan Rivers Oh oh listen can we talk?
66. Lloyd Grossman But who would live in a house like this?
67. John Cleese Right that's it if you don't start this time I'm gonna give you a damn good thrashing
68. Humphrey Bogart Out of all the bars, in all the world, and in all of town, you have to walk into mine, Play it again Sam
69. Michael Caine Don't worry lads, I've got an idea. You're only 's'posed blow the bloody doors off!
70. Mae West Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?
71. Jim Bowen Super Smashing Lovely Great, Come and have a look at what you would have won
72. Winston Churchill Never in the field of human conflict, has so much been owed by so many to so few
73. Harold Steptoe You dirty old man
74. Clarke Gable Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn
75. Cilla Black Surprise Surprise. What a lorra lorra fun
76. Mae West Why don't you come up and see me sometime
77. Windsor Davies You is a bunch of poofs!
78. Hyacynth Bucket The Bucket residence. The lady of the house speaking

Rude Inserts

Contains material of an adult nature

79. Arkwright We don't need your type round here so just F FF Piss Off
80. Ronald Reagan I believe in talking straight, Fuck Off you Russian Wankers
81. Victor Meldrew My God man, will you please shut up (aside) tut! Wanker!
82. Prince Charles Basically my wife is a right royal slag
83. Italian You come over to my country you drink my wine, you eat my food - I fuck your wife
84. Arkwright Well, you know you make me wanna Sh Sh Sh Sh Sh ... oh shit
85. Jim Bowen Who gives a shit who the fuck Alice is?
86. The Queen One is rather pissed off
87. Ronald Reagan Err, Err, Nancy, I don't think you're supposed to blow!
88. Michael Caine Don't point that fucking spear at me
89. Arkwright I bet she's a good f f f f f friend to somebody ....long pause... (un-stuttered) good fuck too
90. Prince Charles Er,h,err,uhm,errr, Wanker.
91. Jack Nicholson Ain't I the fucking Asshole

Rude Limerick

92. Sammy the Slammer, had a terrible stammer Bad breath and a terrible cough,

When he asked the DJ For a record to play The DJ replied f.f.f.f.ffuck off

Rude Jokes and Sketches

A brief selection of humour

93. Lady Penelope with Parker Parker? Yes, M'Lady. Shut the fuck Up, Parker Yes, M'Lady
94. Cilla Black Well John, you've turned down No. 1, the lovely Susan from Dorset, who's a model for Anne Summers, what a shame / 'Well Johnny boy we could have had a steaming time' And you also turned down No. 3, that's our Maria, the air hostess from Bedfordshire 'Missed the chance to ride high with me Johnny' Oh but John, here she is, the girl you choose, it's No.2, that's our Samantha, the brain surgeon from Cheshire-'Hello'- Oh Chuck!.
95. Marcel Marceau (Wild orgy with 3, bi-sexual sado-machocistic, nymphomaniacs)
96. David Attenborough / Windsor Davies. David Attenborough in a whispered voice Watching this modern suburban nightclub we try as hard as possible to keep quiet. We can just catch a glimpse of that most unusual of species, the Doormanus Smartsuiticus and (pause) and if we listen very carefully, you can just make out this unique communication technique.... This room is full of poofta's, and I'm not having it Laddyboy. Can you say poofta's these days?
97. Patrick Moore Announcer - And now on BBC2, Course 7354 of the Open University Course of applied astronomy. Patrick Moore - The crossing of Venus and Pluto is very significant because this surely means that an equinox will be apparent if viewed ten degrees to the left latitude of Uranus SFX of record Scratch Irish VO- Fuck off
98. Clint Eastwood This is a Magnum 44, the most powerful hand gun in the world. And this is a white chocolate Magnum, the best ice scream in the world ... probably.
99. Alan Wicker When you come out for a drink, there are certain benefits to be had here. Not only can you buy your drinks on your Barclaycard, but the Barmaids accept it for, shall we say, personal services. Barclaycard, don't get laid without it

COMPACT DISC TWO

Classic Song Intro Lines

The first lines to classic songs performed by a particularly suitable character.

1. Windsor Davies I'm the leader of the gang
2. David Attenborough Do wah diddy
3. Arkwright Shout
4. Princess Diana Wiggle it, just a little bit
5. Queen Oops upside your head
6. Boycey. I'm too sexy for my love
7. Alan Wicker Blame it on the boogie
8. Margi Clarke Don't stop till you get enough
9. Vincent Price Let's twist again

Comedy Limerick Inserts

A selection that can break the ice.

10. Prince Charles

They say my Diana's a little raver

And a rugby man, did, well, make her quaver

She told me in haste That he was not to her taste

But darling, Carling's brewed for a fuller flavour

11. The Queen

Through recent events, my family have split

We married them off, but they just didn't fit

We gave each of them loot Which ended up down the shoot

And now to be honest, they make me quite sick ..... bloody difficult these limericks.

12. Victor Meldrew

How is this infernal racket a hit?

I really can't stand it one bit!

Every track sounds alike

So gimme that mic and I'll say I don't believe it!

13. Ringo Starr

Gordon said to Thomas the Tank

'Thomas my boy, can I be frank?'

When you roll over For the Fat Controller

You look like you're having a ... jolly good time

14. Roger Moore

Miss Money Penny I've heard

That you're not very easily petered

Though I'm licensed to kill And what you're doing's a thrill

I like mine shaken not stirred

Regional Accents

15. Ye Olde English Once more unto the breech dear friends
16. Sexy French Female Listen very carefully, I shall say this only once. Voulez vous couchez avec moi ce soir?
17. Welsh Male Hello. How you going boyo? It's good here enit?
18. Irish Male Top of the mornin' to ya! Be Jesus, Mary and Joseph - Will you look at that!
19. Scottish Female There's plenty more where that came from
20. Scottish Male I know this machine like the back of my hand captain ... (to SFX of bang, crash wallop)
21. West Country I can't read and I can't write but that don't really matter, 'cause I come from the west country and I can drive a tractor
22. Geordie Whyeye man, where you going now?
23. Brummie All right there mate, We wanna be together

Through the night Situations

A wealth of material for events that occur throughout a typical gig.

Start of the Night

Idents to introduce the start of the night.

24. Inspector Cleaseau Welcome to tonight's entertainment, on behalf of your disc jockey person, I would like to wish that you all have a good time, I shall personally ensure myself that everything runs according to plan just as long as I can keep Kato under control. Hello Kato Here. Not now Kato you fool not now! (SFX of bangs, crashes, wallops) Oh well I shall have to clean up all this mess, whilst the disc jockey person carries on, now come here Kato, Come Here
25. Doctor Ruth This is my sex phone in show
26. John Cleese as Basil Fawlty Okay, If everyone can keep off the dance floor please, yes ... thank you. We're not ready to start, but when we are, we'll let you know, all right. So if you can just contain yourself a little while longer. We do have lavatorial facilities if you need to believe your excitement prior to the official opening of the dance floor. Thank you.
27. Cilla Black Yes you thought you were coming to some other function, but tonight is your party, Surprise Surprise
28. Humphrey Bogart Out of all the parties, in all of town, and all the world, you have to walk into mine play it again Sam
29. Ruby Wax Welcome to my show
30. John Anderson Are you ready....3, 2, 1.
31. Doctor Ruth This show is all about having an orgasm
32. Sean Connery Q warned me there could be trouble, but I was expecting a box of tricks, not a room full of pricks
33. Mystic Meg This week I predict you will be entertained by a man. He will be an expert in modern music, as well as having a good knowledge of party hits from years gone by. He will be the type who aims to entertain all his audience, and I predict that tonight will be an outstanding success.
34. Jim Bowen Let's check out tonight's music on Bully's Prize Board

In One - That's the 1960's

In Two - That's alternative dance

In Three - It's Rock and Roll from the fifties

In Four - That's current charts and dance

In Five - It's the 1980's

In Six - It's classic disco and dance

In Seven - It's the smoochy selection

In Eight - It's the party section

And Bully's star prize, Brotherhood of Man's greatest hits

Volume Problems

When you need a track to defend your opinion on the volume level.

35. John Cleese as Basil Fawlty All right Sybil, Yes Okay Sybil, heard you the first time, yes I'll turn it down (aside) You.

miserable old boot

36. John Cleese as Basil Fawlty What do you mean it's too loud and noisy? Any quieter and we'll have to do the disco in sign language
37. John Wayne Turn it down, the hell I will
38. Margaret Thatcher I know some people would like to listen to a different type of music, or have it a little quieter but I have to say there really is no alternative
39. Betty Boothroyd Order! Order! Will the right honourable gentlemen shut the hell up!

Request Situations

Initiations for a request, and the replies if you didn't want any!

40. John Wayne Requests? The hell I will
41. Joan Rivers Listen there's no need to be shy, simply come up and ask for a request, we can talk
42. Arkwright If you're going to ask for requests, please speak slowly and clearly

The End of The Night

Finish in style and be remembered.

43. Basil & Sybil Fawlty Conversational closer.
44. Clint Eastwood Are you feeling lucky punk? I know what you're thinking, have I played five or have I played six? Well in all the confusion, I've lost count myself. So what's it gonna be, the end, or one last record?
45. The Queen God bless you all
46. Poison Pierce OK let's be having you, it's one minute past, so let's have you out now as quickly as possible, please. Don't worry about your personal belongings, you haven't time for that, just make your way to the nearest available exit in an orderly manner. Some of us have a designated time to finish our shift and leave you know
47. Victor Meldrew For Goodness sake. Haven't you people got homes to go to?
48. Julian Clary Well I'd like to thank you all for coming tonight. You can collect a tissue on the way out
49. John Wayne The Party's over. Saddle up the old nag and ride her home

Links and Bridges

Limitless applications.

50. Windsor Davies Get out of your seat, and get with the beat. Was that okay for all them there poofta's?
51. Victor Meldrew My god man just play the damn song
52. Nana Mouskouri Hello, this is Banano Mousaka here and I would like to sing for you, a traditional Greek folk song
53. Ronald Reagan You ain't seen nothing yet
54. Windsor Davies Will you lot get a move on, we haven't got all night you know!
55. Princess Diana Hello Squidgy Here
56. The Queen Another anus horriblus
57. Dennis Norden Just look at this, when a seemingly normal situation, turns out to be an utter fiasco
58. Mary Whitehouse I'm not sure if we really want our children - our future generations - listening to these vulgar lyrics, and I shall be writing to the BBC to express my concern
59. Julian Clary That's a very sticky moment if I'm not very much mistaken
60. Tuff Cop There must be a hundred reasons why I shouldn't play this next record, but right now I can't think of any
61. Victor Meldrew Oh well I suppose you'd better get on with it
62. Tommy Cooper This DJ's great, aha aha, he grates on your nerves.
63. Jim Bowen You've landed in music, that categories already gone, but never mind. We all like music, and does anyone really like darts anyway, so let's play it again
64. Victor Meldrew For goodness sake. Oasis? Pulp? Blur? any bloody excuse not to tuck your shirt in.
65. Sean Connery On Her Majesty's Service, and Licensed to Thrill
66. Cher I'd like to share this with you. You know a lot of people think I'm made of plastic, but I don't make that much money from my records. Oh, you thought I was going to talk about surgery - you must be kidding!
67. Tommy Cooper Aha Aha, I'm laughing 'cos I know what coming next
68. Janet Street Porter I'd just like to say that this show is a load of old rubbish
69. Margi Clarke Ah Girls, now if you're looking to improve your sex life then listen to this
70. Mary Whitehouse What is missing here is basic moral values. It should have been cut out by the British Board of Censors!
71. Mary Whitehouse The 9 o'clock watershed complaint
72. Dennis Norden If you are one of those people who enjoys perverse entertainment, then listen to this
73. Mexican Female Hey Speedy Gonzales, keep on playing those fast records

Occasions

Tracks referring to a selection of occasions

74. Marlon Brando Please be silent and show some respect to a member of the family who wishes to speak
75. Rolf Harris Here comes the bride, big fat and wide Here comes the groom as skinny as a broom
76. Roger Moore My lords, ladies and Gentlemen, you attention please. May we please have quiet for the official toast
77. Victor Meldrew Happy Retirement. For goodness sake, I don't know why they call it happy, there's nothing happy about it if you ask me. Damn miserable I've found it in fact

Birthdays

78. Marilyn Monroe Happy Birthday To You (Sung)
79. Tommy Cooper They've asked me to wish you a happy birthday and well ... I just did ... Aha Aha
80. Marilyn Monroe Hey Birthday Boy
81. Vincent Price There are important special birthdays 16, 18, 21 and 40. But my favourite occasion is the only one that's guaranteed, ha ha ha ha ha
82. Alf Garnett Here we are at another birthday party then. It seems he has one every bleeding year
83. Frank Spencer It would be a fair assessment to say that I made a few mistakes in my time, but then, don't we all? By the way your parents wish you a happy birthday

Calm Down

To ease any difficult situation.

84. Marlon Brando I understand that you wish to enjoy yourselves, and I am a reasonable man, but please show some respect for others, I don't want to have to deal with this myself, ..... I trust we have an understanding
85. Betty Boothroyd Order! Order in the house

Last Orders

The bar's gonna close!

86. Margaret Thatcher With proper Conservatism in power, the British Public would now be able to drink for 24 hrs a day. And I'm afraid to say that until this load of baloney is stopped, and yes this is another failing of One Nation Conservatism, it is unfortunate, but a fact, that it is, last orders at the bar now
87. Mystic Meg As I gaze into my Crystal ball I predict that in a short while the bar will be closing

Male Inserts

Idents and put-downs

88. Jim Bowen You might score well tonight lads, but if you don't we'll give you your BFH, that's your Bus Fare Home
89. John Cleese as Basil Fawlty Look at him eh, he's drunk already. If he can't control his drink, then he shouldn't be allowed to drink at all. If it was up to me I wouldn't let them drink until they were 25 you know. A bit more responsible at that age. I think he should leave, yes you come on. You've had more than enough. It's time you went home. Come on ... out. Yes leave ... Now.
90. Dennis Norden He's wobbling, he's all over the place, the last few hours have really taken their toll on him, I think he's going, he is, he's down, but what a remarkable effort

The Buffet Break

For use when the food is ready.

91. Edwina Currie Okay I know it's buffet time, but what my colleagues do not remember is that they should avoid the egg vol a vonts as it is fair to say that most of the egg production is infected with salmonella. Oh yes and avoid the beef as there is a major scare with Mad Cow Disease. And don't touch any lamb, we cannot be sure that the effects of Chenolbol have been fully cleared. While we on the subject of food, how can you be sure that the prawns are fully cooked, or that the chicken is bacteria free, oh and avoid the cheese, it has too much saturated fat. Watch the sausages as well, they may have glass splinters from the animal liberation front. In fact if you want to be safe, I wouldn't eat anything at all, and don't drink too much alcohol either, bad for the liver you know
92. Lloyd Grossman / Worzel Gummidge And now to my favourite part of the evening, to taste some fantastic culinary delights. Please join me as we make our way to the buffet table to serve yourselves I'd love a cup of tea and a slice of cake

Situation Commentary

Some typically sarcastic commentary.

93. Lloyd Grossman And who would dance in a place like this A bit of a dump if you ask me
94. Windsor Davies If you do get into the jungle, you ought to pray that I was not there first, because deep bass and fast beats make my finger twitch on my rifle
95. Victor Meldrew I don't believe it, another pint of bloody beer has nested on top of my speakers. Have people any idea how much they cost ... I mean

Theme Nights

96. Joan Rivers I just love under 18's they're so much more adventurous

The Smoochy Selection

For slowing down the tempo.

97. Marilyn Monroe Hey slow down, what's your hurry, let's unwind together with a little smooth number
98. Marilyn Monroe I'm sorry if it goes quiet after the next record, but I've just got to make love to this gorgeous DJ

Bits & Pieces

99. Who is it? A Bits and Pieces' competition
100. Victor Meldrew
101. Maggie Thatcher
102. Worzel Gummidge
103. Claire Rayner
104. Vincent Price
105. Margi Clarke
106. Windsor Davies
107. Marilyn Monroe
108. John Wayne
109. Dr. Ruth