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Jingles to take you to the Millennium
Single CD - 99 Tracks
With themes as diverse as The X-Files, The Muppet Show, Loony Tunes, The Twilight Zone, there are some great openers and closers to start & end your show with. There is a whole section of Deep (Very Deep!) voice drops which are always popular with all DJ's. We've also included year checks all the way to 1999 so that you can year check right up to the Millennium.
Add to this an exclusive set of tracks recorded for Ultimate by Dani Behr and the authentic USA voice of Mitch Phillips and you have a jingle CD that is essential for all DJ's.
Tracklisting
SHOW OPENERS
Ranging from the simple quick insert to comprehensive productions & sung lines. Some brilliant themes
1. X-Files Style
Atmospheric VO based on the X Files Theme
The rumours have been round for a long time Government agencies have attempted to cover up But Tonight a force that is unstoppable is about to hit this city Trust No One - Deny Everything & Obey Your Instinct The Search Goes On The Truth is Out There, But The Party - Is Here
2. Star Wars
A re-creation of one of the classic Star Wars scene
Don't worry Luke Leave This To Me
Let Me See Your Identification
You Don't Need To See His Identification
We Don't Need To See His Identification
This Is Not The DJ You Are Looking For
This Is Not The DJ We're Looking For
He Can Go About His Business
You Can Go About Your Business
Move Along
Move Along
3. The Twilight Zone
Narrated opener with a Twilight Zone Vibe
There is a 5th dimension beyond that which is known to man It is a dimension as vast as space itself, & as timeless as infinity It is the middle ground between light & shadow, between science and superstition & it lies between the pit of mans fears & the summit of his knowledge This is the dimension of imagination, it is an area that we call the party zone.
4. War Of The Worlds
The classic intro re-scripted for DJ use with atmospheric music. A great lead into a light show or to start any night.
No one would have believed that in the last years of the 20th Century, that musical affairs were being listened to from the tiniest worlds of space. None could have dreamed that we were being scrutinised as someone with a microscope studies creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. Few men even considered the possibility of musical enjoyment on other planets, and yet, across the gulf of space, minds immeasurably superior to ours regarded this earth and it's musical treasures with envious eyes. Our only salvation was our only weapon, with music we can fight them as they slowly and surely they draw their plans against us.
5. Meet The Gang Song
The "It ain't arf hot mom" opening song with new words and
Meet the gang, cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you, with music & lighting to get you on your way, all the best music we will play, play, play. With oldies & newies, the best from the charts, hit after hit straight after we start, meet the gang 'cos the boys are here, the boys to entertain you. BO, BOYS, Boys to entertain you.
6. Quality Entertainment
A tongue in cheek blast at poor DJ's utilising the 'Benny Hill' theme and a DJ with 'attitude'!
Hey welcome to tonight's entertainment supplied by Discount DJ Agency - All our DJ's are polite (Oi you, shift!) - They use the latest audio equipment (Listen mate, if it ain't on 78, I ain't got it - right!) - Carry the most up to date lighting - (Do they what? flash? What do you think this is a fruit machine) - And all Discount DJ's dress to please (Jeans are very versatile you know) - Discount DJ's - [Announcer Voice] - Unfortunately the Discount DJ Agency Man didn't turn up tonight so you'll have to put up with this other show
7. Sample Montage Dance Opener
A beat backing with rapid fire samples over the top.
8. Muppets Show
The immortal Muppet Show opening theme re-scripted
It's Time To Play The Music, It's time to light the lights, It's time to get things started at the discotheque tonight
It's time to get up dancing, It's time to show delight, it's time to have a great time, at the discotheque tonight
To introduce our guest star, that's what I'm here to do, so it really make me happy to introduce to you ... the DJ
It's Time To Play The Music, It's time to light the lights,
It's time to get things started 'Why Don't you get things started' It's time to get things started at the most sensational inspirational educational motivational this is what they call the discotheque
9. Power On , Decks On, Opener
A great build up show opener with sci-fi sound effects
Power On - Decks On - Amplifiers On - Light Show Programmed - All Systems Standing By - Ladies and Gentlemen - We are on line. Please prepare yourselves for the experience of a lifetime ...... Welcome
10. Mastermind Theme
The long running quiz show redone to emulate a specialised subject in music
Your Chosen Subject is music you have hours in which to play classic tunes on your chosen subject & your time starts now .....
11. Roadshow Style
Drum Roll leading to a Radio 1 Roadshow style VO
& Now Live Direct & Before You please welcome your DJ
12. James Bond Opener
The original Bond theme with Bond introducing the artist
Prepare to be shaken & stirred by one of her majesty's finest ambassadors - and be warned he's licensed to thrill
13. Football Stomp Show Opener
A massive stomp backing with a commentator voice. Great for sports nights.
We're heading for a good time The Bars opening up What a wonderful piece of music selection Just look at the classics he's gonna play This has all the makings of a great night and with the best man in town to spin the tunes there can only be on ending ..... Goal!!!!!!!!
14. NASA Style Countdown
A countdown based on a launch. Simple & effective
VO2 - Standby Control, we have a go situation
VO1 - Ten Nine Eight Seven
VO2 - We Have Ignition
VO1 - Six Five Four
VO2 - Engines are Go
VO1 - Three Two One Zero
VO2 - We have Lift Off
15. Pathe' Pre-Show Starter
Before you go start this is a great ice breaker in vintage news style & lets the punters know what's happening
Ahhh Yes! Are you wonderful people ready to be entertained? Tonight you will be enthralled by the wonders of modern science Lights that flash, music that beats, and a disc jockey type person that actually speaks! yes speaks! Whilst we wait for a few more people to turn up and give you a chance to participate in conversation we will keep the gramophonic music at a reasonable level. But get ready for the big switch on it's coming to this room in a very short time
BUFFET BREAKS
Novel ways of getting into & out of the buffet break
16. Toon Food Break
Over a 'toon' backing of 'Food, Glorious Food'
Cheese & Pineapple Sticks, Ham Sandwiches, Vegetable Toon 1 Voice - Quiche, Prawn Vol Au Vonts, Chicken Drumsticks, lettuce, tomatoes, fish bits, egg rolls, crisps, nuts, sausages on sticks, tuna sandwiches, relish, gateaux, cheesecake, profitteroles, sausage rolls, scotch eggs, pork pies, crusty bread - Toon 2 Voice - Hey Everyone! In case you haven't already guessed the buffet is now open, so hurry along before it all disappears
17. Rolf Announces the Buffet
A little bit of salmon, just a dash of relish, dum de dum dum, add a bit of gateaux, ha ha, plate to mix it all on, ... Can you guess what it is yet? Yeh .. It's buffet time, go on help yourselves, and kids love it too!
18. Lloyd Grossman
So we've deliberated, gurgerated, & basically stuffed ourselves stupid, so let us get on with the party, Mr DJ - take it away
CLOSERS
A superb way of ending the night
19. The Soap Closer
One of the late 70's great soaps updated for DJ use
Tonight your DJ performed before a live audience, without any overdubs or studio editing the sound engineer was the DJ The Music Programming was by the DJ Production Assistant was the DJ Personal Assistant to the DJ was the DJ In fact every damn thing is being done by The Man of The Hour, The DJ
20. William Tell Closer
In the 50' style
You've just witnessed another episode in great entertainment Join us again next week, same time, same channel Hi Ho Silver ........ Away!
21. Looney Tunes Ending
A classic ending, self explanatory really
You've just witnessed a f.f.f.fabulous show, we'll see you again soon but for now .... that's all folks
22.
Elvis Presley at Vegas style
Ladies & Gents Boys & Girls The DJ Has Left The Building
23.
Utilising classical music, this is a very tongue in cheek closer
You have just witnessed a fine performance by this wonderful DJ. If you would like to him for your next function then his fees are extortionate, his reliability inconsistent and his professionalism is well ... questionable. And have you seen the colour of his pants? Still he's a nice guy and he tries very hard, so give him a break OKAY! ..... Goodnight
LINKS & BRIDGES
Some of the most used tracks in a DJ set
24. Are you sitting comfortably? Good - Then I'll begin
25. The Updated Complete Music Program
26. Song After Song after Track after Hit Back To Back
27. And Now .... It's back to the music
28. Beats Thumping, People Jumping, Finger Clicking, Tongue Licking, Bodies Swaying, Classic Music Playing
29. The Most Music (SFX) with no fillers (exit sweep)
30. Tune It In, Crank It Up, Rip The Knob Off!!!
31. Hot Rockin' Non Stoppin, Get Blown Away - Much More Music - All The Time
VENUE TRACKS
For both DJ's who work in a pubs and mobiles who want to add that something extra to the common announcements
Happy Hour
32. Happy Hour Montage
33. Pathe' Happy Hour
Last Orders
34. Orgasmic Last Orders
35. Last Orders Right Now!
36. Sexy Last Orders
Time At The Bar
37. Funeral March
38. Town Crier
Finish Your Drinks
39. Finish your Drinks & Run Along Home
40. Formal Dry Announcement
Leaving The Venue
41. Victor Meldrew - Please Leave Quietly
42. Keep The Noise Down
SEXY VOICEOVERS
As popular as ever, the sexy insert!!!
43. They call this DJ the big man and I know why (giggle)
44. I wish This DJ would Come and Mix It with Me
45. Cut the crap big boy and play me a record
46. The beats at the end are always the best beats
47. It just don't get better than this
48. Push It, Wiggle It, Then Stick It In
49. The only place that I want to leave flat on my back
DEEP VOICE DANCE DROPS
Watch those Bass Bins as these deep voice inserts resonate your woofers
50. The Maximum Bass, Rhythm - Pumping It To The Max
51. Fifty Thousand watts of Essential Power
52. Coming in hard with the wickedest beats
53. Back with another one of those block rockin' beats
54. Get Funky & Shake It Like A White Girl
55. It's All Gone Pete Tong
56. Largin' It On A Friday Night
57. Largin It On A Saturday Night
58. Doin' That Swing Thing It Don't Get Better than this
59. Let Your Body Be Free & Shake That Ass
60. Clubland - Bass - Rock The Place
61. Essential Chunes with The Coolest Cuts
IMPRESSIONS
For more of these check out Ultimate Impersonator CD.
Victor Meldrew
62. More Thump, Thump Thump from the Damn DJ, I'd like to give him a thump thump thump
Windsor Davies
63. The buffet is now being served, so form an orderly queue and hurry up, come on move it move it!!
Prince Charles
64. As the future King of England I do hope that I will have this fabulous disc jockey chappy at my coronation, but while I wait for mommy to step down, I do hope that you enjoy tonight's entertainment
Arkwright
65. Granville, go and get that DJ from the bar it's time to start the disco, and tell him not to make it so bloody loud.
Ronald Reagan
66. A DJ Nancy? What's that? It's not one of those damn ruskie guns is it, Nancy? What's a DJ?
Sean Connery
67. The DJ and I both have something in common, we are both professionals, highly skilled in our jobs, and we both attract loads of women .... well perhaps not in the DJ's case. Now Miss Moneypenny where was I?
Frank Spencer
68. Ooh look Jessica.. The DJ's done a whoopsy . hmmm
David Attenborough
69. Yes a fabulous creature known as a disc jockey, still potentially able to reproduce with only a 2" organ
Alec Guiness
70. You cannot win Darth if you strike me down I will become more powerful than you can ever imagine
Lloyd Grossman
71. I'll Tell You What I want what I really really want
Patrick Moore
72. I've never really been convinced about there being life on mars, but after seeing this DJ perform tonight, it proves that the most simple of organisms can function in all matter of environments
COMEDY INSERTS
Quick fire humour. Great when used in the right places
73. I've never seen a dead body or a human nipple. I suppose this is what comes of living in cul-de-sac
74. Especially for twinkle toes out there, this is on CD
75. The Fat Slags Comment on the DJ's extended play!!!!
76. If you think this is good, just wait until the DJ gets here
77. Probably the worst DJ in the world
78. Probably the best DJ in the world - NOT!!!!
79. Probably the best DJ in the world - I did say probably!
80. You're listening to the DJ with no taste - and just to prove it, listen to this ....
81. The DJ with more balls than the national lottery
82. DJ with 12" sex appeal if you have a magnifying glass
83. The only thing this DJ can scratch is his arse
84. If you would like to book this man to be the DJ at you're party, then you really are very sad
85. Comedy Sound Effect - Man Straining on toilet
THE NATIONAL LOTTERY
professional way of letting people know their fortunes and a spoof draw to annoy the hell out of them
86. Ladies and Gentlemen tonight's national lottery numbers will follow this record
87. Ladies and Gentlemen we interrupt tonight's show to bring you the national lottery numbers
88. Ladies and Gentlemen these are tonight's lottery no's
89. The spoof lottery draw of made up numbers
YEARCHECKS
Decade & year checks to take you to the Millennium
90. The 1950's
91. The 1960's
92. The 1970's
93. The 1980's
94. The 1990's
95. Yr Check - 1995
96. Yr Check - 1996
97. Yr Check - 1997
98. Yr Check - 1998
99. Yr Check - 1999
